Uni, Jobs, and other poo

Well, its official.. I've left Uni :/ Not something I want to do obviously, I'm actually quite upset about it but I think its best for me in the long run.

Basically, this year alot of shit has happened and I've been a bag of stress and worry, and my main priority has been making sure Dean is ok, but in the process of that I was so distracted from Uni that I got behind with the lectures and work. I thought I was going to be ok at first, until I assessed the situation and realised I had 4 courseworks (2 group ones) due in less than 3 months, followed by numerous exams, AND I had to find a work placement in that time as well.

So, I had to really think about what I wanted in life and I've came to the conclusion that, yeah I probably could have scraped through the coursework, and possibly got an extremely shit mark for the year. Whats that going to get me? The games industry is extremely hard to get in to, and although there are companies in Liverpool, its pretty clear that I'd need to move away to get a job. And then theres that question, who the fuck in the right mind would hire someone who hasnt got a clue about anything? Yeah I'd scrape by, doesn't mean I know it. I've missed the lectures I don't know what I'm doing. I know bare essentials of the programming languages, the placements require someone with a grasp on them, which isn't me right now.

Looking at the bigger picture here, I'd waste 4 years of my life costing approx 25k, to then get a job in a supermarket or a barmaid or something with a degree which means nothing. No thanks.

My situation now is, I don't have as much debt, and I've only wasted 2 years instead of 4. But to be honest, its not 2 years wasted because I've learnt alot about computers/gates etc and about myself. I'm glad I took the route I have, and anyways, I have the credits from the first year.. maybe in the future when the time is right, I could go back. Barry and Anita have both done it, aged 30+ so why can't I?

And looking at the even bigger picture, me and Dean NEED to move out in the next few months. We need a stable environment and we need money. Thats not something I can give in Uni, especially when its in the back of my mind that I could be working instead of scrounging off Deans Asda wages. Dean in Asda, and me in uni, we wouldn't get benefits and my student loans would be reduced because I'd be living away from parents, so its almost impossible.

I just wish people would see it from my perspective for a change, instead of seeing me as a failure. I feel like a failure enough without people reminding me every time they look at me. I wish I'd realised this a year ago I really do, but unfortunately a year ago I didn't, because a year ago me and Dean were fine. Dean was well and we wern't looking for a flat back then.

The way people need to look at this is, I didn't CHOOSE to lose my job with Littlewoods, I got made redundant. Everyone around me (Except Dean) kept telling me to go to Uni and I thought it'd be a good idea. It didn't work out, its not for everyone and right now its just not for me in my current situation. But as I said, maybe in the future.

So, now after clearing that up, what next? Well.. Littlewoods are looking for people again, I've rang and am waiting for a reply. Asda are also taking on, so maybe just maybe. Theres a few others, but non really worth mentioning. I'd be happy with Littlewoods or Asda. But haha I'm clearly living in a dreamworld if I think I'll get either of them jobs in this climate. Leahs been looking for months with no glory. Dean has an appointment with ASDA on friday, so hopefully he'll be set up at least. I've also *reluctantly* got in touch with the job centre too so hopefully I'll hear back from them soon.

Erm so thats me at the moment, oh and my Blackberry died. Piece of shit lol Gonna havta reboot it, which I should be able to do myself *fingers crossed*

Aaaaand, oh yeah, Korn Agains gig yesterday was interesting. In Newcastle upon Lyme, in the daytime. Think they had about 7/8 people other than us who they brought with them lol They were great though non the less, and were told by the manager that they'd go down a treat in the night time :)

Then theres Bournemouth on friday and possibly a gig on Saturday. Hope I can go to them, I like going as its a break away from reality if that makes sence. No stress, no money/job/uni worries, nothing.. just me being a tag along haha or would the word be 'groupie' lol. I know it can't last forever but its a nice break away and I'm lucky to be able to go to some of them. I love road trips, I love gigs, I love KoRn, I love the lads from Korn Again, I love photography, and I love seeing Dean on stage. So, yeah, the gigs are epic haha.

Erm, nothing much else to say really. Oh, me and Dean successfully cut down the massive trees in my back garden :) They were about the touch the telephone wires which would have caused loads of shit, and plus the sun was hidden so we thought fuck it lets do it haha. Managed to cut them down to a nice size so they're still there but they're nice and neat :) Theres a massive pile of branches at the side of the house, which is actually bigger than the trees themself :') Gonna put them into garden bags today hopefully.

Oh and I made some RAINBOW DREADS :D They're gonna look amazing. Hopefully putting them in on wednesday or thursday :)

Peace. out.