Depression is really hard and tonight I'm suffering.
It's Tuesday which means Deans in work and it's my one night alone to have me time. Maybe I'm feeling like this because our Virgin broadband is broke and I'm using my last 100mb of data to keep me occupied. In reality, I just bought an add on for another 100mb because I'm avoiding doing anything.
The flat is a shit hole once again. I had a good tidy up on Friday, but now it's back to how it was before. I can see the dirty plates on the table next to me, but picking them up and cleaning them seems like such an effort. Too much effort for me. I would much rather stay in bed and just sleep, even though I've slept all day and last night. I seem to lose track of what time it is lately, since going back on nights I sleep when I'm tired not when nature tells me to. I feel like my life is a mess.
I'm even struggling to get motivation to have a shower or bath. How disgusting, I'm disgusting. This afternoon I put coconut oil on my hair to force myself to wash it out later. I knew hours in advance that I would probably decide not to shower, so this was a way or forcing myself to do it.
Maybe I'm having a mid life crisis at the age of 28. I actually do feel like time is running out and I have no idea why.
Dean says that when I feel like this I should have a hobby, but I do, I love crafting. I want to knit a scarf but then i think about all the other more important things I could and should be doing. Before I know it I've been sitting here for hours and I haven't done any of it.
I'm wasting my life away doing nothing and I hate it. I wish I had the energy and motivation to move and be happy.
