Weird feelings...

Talk about a blast from the past, I've just been reading Leahs old Livejournal posts from an age ago, and I must say, It didn't just back those happy memories, it also brought back many demons which I tried so hard to forget.

A long long time ago, Leah and I were like... jam on toast, chips and beans, apple crumble and custard, the bin and marmite, you just didn't get one without the other, we came as a pair. She was my best friend, and no one came close in comparison.

When mine and Deans relationship became serious, I made a fatal error.. I disconnected myself from life thinking nothing of it. I didn't just lose contact with Leah, and lost all my friends, and just went into my own little shell.

Naturally, Leah became friends with other people.. and it got to the point, were we didn't come as a pair anymore.. we didn't even come in the same category, we hardly talked. She found a best friend in Roxanne, who now I've came to love to bits myself, but at the time I didn't know her and all I did was see her as a threat.

Reading back on those old journals, it just reminds me of how much of a screw up I was. I should have been there, having a laugh, going out, just being a friend like everyone else. Instead I just.. let go of everyone I cared for and expected them to still be there when I wanted them.

In actual fact, which makes me feel even worse, I remember blaming every one else. I cut myself off, then when they all had moved on, I blamed them in my head, thinking they were the ones who left me, which obviously they would do if they thought I didn't wanna know them anymore :/

These are weird feelings right now :/ This was all in the past, I should be looking back, laughing and saying 'what was I thinking', but instead I feel.. angry for letting this whole shananigan occur.

- But then I think... everything happens for a reason. I have more friends than ever, I have my boyfriend of nearly 6 years.. Leah, my best friend and still, no1 comes close in comparison.. and I also have new best friends too who I love more than anything.

I think the moral of this story is, people are young, people grow and everyone makes mistakes, but it all happens for a reason, and I wouldn't be here today if it hadn't :/

I've been a happy bunny on the outside, but today has been the worst day of my life for about 3 years, and I have no explanation for why. Tuesdays suck.