New Blog Layout

So finally I have a proper layout :) A customized one! w00p

I actually made it myself haha *proud*

Errrr not much to say really. Today was Mothers Day and we wen't to see Unknown. Quite a good film actually, so good I guessed the ending 20mins into the film... before Dean! haha Awesome :) *double proud*

They say it comes in threes. Now I just need to get that flat on Simons Croft and I'll be triple proud :) Doubt it though lol

Oh and just for fun, a photo of me and Head from Korn FatHead from Korn Again ♥ oh ok.... Me and Dean :) haha

Uni, Jobs, and other poo

Well, its official.. I've left Uni :/ Not something I want to do obviously, I'm actually quite upset about it but I think its best for me in the long run.

Basically, this year alot of shit has happened and I've been a bag of stress and worry, and my main priority has been making sure Dean is ok, but in the process of that I was so distracted from Uni that I got behind with the lectures and work. I thought I was going to be ok at first, until I assessed the situation and realised I had 4 courseworks (2 group ones) due in less than 3 months, followed by numerous exams, AND I had to find a work placement in that time as well.

So, I had to really think about what I wanted in life and I've came to the conclusion that, yeah I probably could have scraped through the coursework, and possibly got an extremely shit mark for the year. Whats that going to get me? The games industry is extremely hard to get in to, and although there are companies in Liverpool, its pretty clear that I'd need to move away to get a job. And then theres that question, who the fuck in the right mind would hire someone who hasnt got a clue about anything? Yeah I'd scrape by, doesn't mean I know it. I've missed the lectures I don't know what I'm doing. I know bare essentials of the programming languages, the placements require someone with a grasp on them, which isn't me right now.

Looking at the bigger picture here, I'd waste 4 years of my life costing approx 25k, to then get a job in a supermarket or a barmaid or something with a degree which means nothing. No thanks.

My situation now is, I don't have as much debt, and I've only wasted 2 years instead of 4. But to be honest, its not 2 years wasted because I've learnt alot about computers/gates etc and about myself. I'm glad I took the route I have, and anyways, I have the credits from the first year.. maybe in the future when the time is right, I could go back. Barry and Anita have both done it, aged 30+ so why can't I?

And looking at the even bigger picture, me and Dean NEED to move out in the next few months. We need a stable environment and we need money. Thats not something I can give in Uni, especially when its in the back of my mind that I could be working instead of scrounging off Deans Asda wages. Dean in Asda, and me in uni, we wouldn't get benefits and my student loans would be reduced because I'd be living away from parents, so its almost impossible.

I just wish people would see it from my perspective for a change, instead of seeing me as a failure. I feel like a failure enough without people reminding me every time they look at me. I wish I'd realised this a year ago I really do, but unfortunately a year ago I didn't, because a year ago me and Dean were fine. Dean was well and we wern't looking for a flat back then.

The way people need to look at this is, I didn't CHOOSE to lose my job with Littlewoods, I got made redundant. Everyone around me (Except Dean) kept telling me to go to Uni and I thought it'd be a good idea. It didn't work out, its not for everyone and right now its just not for me in my current situation. But as I said, maybe in the future.

So, now after clearing that up, what next? Well.. Littlewoods are looking for people again, I've rang and am waiting for a reply. Asda are also taking on, so maybe just maybe. Theres a few others, but non really worth mentioning. I'd be happy with Littlewoods or Asda. But haha I'm clearly living in a dreamworld if I think I'll get either of them jobs in this climate. Leahs been looking for months with no glory. Dean has an appointment with ASDA on friday, so hopefully he'll be set up at least. I've also *reluctantly* got in touch with the job centre too so hopefully I'll hear back from them soon.

Erm so thats me at the moment, oh and my Blackberry died. Piece of shit lol Gonna havta reboot it, which I should be able to do myself *fingers crossed*

Aaaaand, oh yeah, Korn Agains gig yesterday was interesting. In Newcastle upon Lyme, in the daytime. Think they had about 7/8 people other than us who they brought with them lol They were great though non the less, and were told by the manager that they'd go down a treat in the night time :)

Then theres Bournemouth on friday and possibly a gig on Saturday. Hope I can go to them, I like going as its a break away from reality if that makes sence. No stress, no money/job/uni worries, nothing.. just me being a tag along haha or would the word be 'groupie' lol. I know it can't last forever but its a nice break away and I'm lucky to be able to go to some of them. I love road trips, I love gigs, I love KoRn, I love the lads from Korn Again, I love photography, and I love seeing Dean on stage. So, yeah, the gigs are epic haha.

Erm, nothing much else to say really. Oh, me and Dean successfully cut down the massive trees in my back garden :) They were about the touch the telephone wires which would have caused loads of shit, and plus the sun was hidden so we thought fuck it lets do it haha. Managed to cut them down to a nice size so they're still there but they're nice and neat :) Theres a massive pile of branches at the side of the house, which is actually bigger than the trees themself :') Gonna put them into garden bags today hopefully.

Oh and I made some RAINBOW DREADS :D They're gonna look amazing. Hopefully putting them in on wednesday or thursday :)

Peace. out.

Flats

Sooo.. the first time we bid on Simons Croft, we were 36th in the queue.
Second bid on the same type of flat same road, and we're 24th :)

That can only be a good thing. Hopefully soon we'll be in our own place hoorahh

Boob-o-phonic.....ly Awesome

Devin Townsend was awesome :) What a crazy dude he is haha, defo nerd king.

Shame Lewis couldn't get a ticket :( I'm sure we'll all get a chance to see him again in the future though.

Oh and I realised... now that I've used my final xmas present, Christmas is officially over *sigh* ..Oh well, only 292 days left until Christmas 2011 :P

Anywho, going into Uni now. Wish me luck :/

ESA & Devin

Dean got a letter today saying hes not entitled to ESA because they think he can work :/ The annoying thing is, he tells them he can't control his bowels, hes depressed and he attemted to commit suicide in October, she writes all this down at the assessment, but then in the letter it says he CAN control his bowels, hes NOT depressed and he acts fine around people. Its a joke. Oh and it says he goes out on his own which is stupid too, he doesn't go anywhere alone. Its like she just wasn't listening.
So its looking like we won't be getting a flat any time soon because they're fucking us about and theres no guarantees of anything now :/ *Sigh*

Oh well.. Devin Townsend on Sunday, which we can't even afford. Should be good anyways :) and our anniversary on the 11th yay :) I guess we'll do another 2004 and cook beans on toast with candles. If we can afford candles that is..

P.S. The Rite (film) was pretty good. Alright anyways defo worth a watch. Not too scary which is good, and Anthony Hopkins is a legend.

Bleh

Wow, its been pretty eventful lately.

So, I'll start off by saying, RUNESCAPE IS AWESOOMMMME ♥ I'm so glad free trade is back. Its just so much better. My friend from Uni has an interview there for a placement too, which is great. I'm hoping he might get the job and then make me a player mod haha Yeah, I'll keep dreamin :P

Kinda wish I'd applied for Jagex too, it could have been me going down there for an interview :/ But oh well.. being in the situation where I have to leave everything behind to work in Cambridge.. I don't think I could do it. .... Maybe one day :) When Deans better and he can come with me wooo

In the meantime, I'll stick with shitty Liverpool. Yep, we bid on our first flat XD So excited. I'm fairly certain we won't get it though. Its on Deans Mums street.. hah! Yeah, I'll keep dreamin for this aswell lol. Still.. feel like we're on our way now :) Its only a matter of time. This time next week, I could be saying we're moving in haha Its so strange.. but SOOO GOOOOD.

Aaaand, well, then theres Uni. Kinda fucked myself up :/ I've gotten really far behind, and I'm in a muddle where I probably can't pick up the pieces now. I'm going to speak to my tutor soon, and see what he recommends I do. I can't really say much more on it. Its my own fault, and I don't wanna ramble on about it because it'll just upset me, and I'm trying to stay positive right now :)

Ermmm.. so yeah, also, I made a website for Deans band, Korn Again. It was pretty good, for like a few days work. It could have been better, but I didn't have much time.. I had to put it up asap because their promoter was down their throats about it. I thought they were happy with it, and it was meant to be going on the .co.uk, but a lot of shit happened with the guy who was meant to be hosting it. Asking me to change the code for the whole site because its 'good practise', and all stuff like that. Then at the last minute, without any warning, my site had 'problems' and he made his own and used that. I wasted so much time, going to their house to sort it out, and then he takes over the whole thing and I don't even get any heads up. I even asked what was wrong with my site, and he had no explanation and just said to 'Keep our squabbles between ourselves' (meaning me and the guys from Korn Again).
Feel pretty betrayed to be honest, going out of my way for my friends, and then he supposedly has problems and makes one himself without even telling me what was wrong, and they love him for it.
Well, hes made a good website anyway, there are problems with it though, and it does look a little unprofessional if I say so myself especially when its made for a band as mighty as the UKs NO1 Korn Tribute (not sarcasm... a little cheesy... they're good what can I say? lol), but whatever anyways. By the way, I'm not blowing smoke up my own ass here, mine wasn't perfect either haha. I'm just a bit bleh at the fact.. well, no1 even explained why theyre using his instead. I feel a little bit used to be honest.

I'm giving up on trying to please other people from now on, I want to help people and bands as much as I can, and unfortunately I let it impeed on my own life too much. My own fault, probably. But ultimately, I've probably not helped anyone, I've just made extra work for myself and lost friends in the process. Great.

Oh and I've put on 2 pound. I love my life.

Anyway, everything sucks, but you get on with it. Going to the cinema now with Dean :)


EDIT: Just realised I was meant to be keeping positive haha Oh well.

Update :)

Wellllllll shits be up the wall lately :/ Deans not been too well so hes been living in my house for the past 2 weeks nearly. Need to get in touch with the hospital but they never ring back, the NHS is just a joke :/
I'm happy hes been with me though :) Its like being on holiday but being stuck at home haha The past 2 weeks have been spent watching lots of films, eating yummy food, playing games and cuddling. Can't complain really, and if i could i wouldn't because its been fucking awesome :) I love him so much, just hope things get better for him soon.

So, yeah, I've not been into uni much either. Got sooo much catching up to do, I just need to settle down and get in done before I fall too far behind. I have faith in my abilities though, just after xmas I realised I had maths coursework to hand in, with a week to learn what Vector and matricies are and do it, and got 100% :) and I had 2 days to write and do a presentation, and was in the top 4 highest marks out of everyone *proud* But yeah yeah, I know I can't keep doing it like that ...it'll come back and bite me on the ass eventually.

I've wrote out a massive action plan of what lectures I need to watch and the tutorials I'm gonna do, so Its just a case of doing it now.

But anyways, enough moaning haha. Today is a momentus occasion... RUNESCAPE WILDY AND FREE TRADE ARE BACK!! ♥♥☺♥♥

I haven't signed in yet, I'm waiting for Dean to wake up to see if he wants to come on. Then gonna buy my members back and plaaaayyyyy. I'm so excited hehe I'm such a geek I know, I love it though.

Oh and also, in more awesome news, KoЯn Again are awesome :D They played Revolver the other day, and it was truely epic. They've managed to find a promoter, and now have loads of gigs coming up around the UK! ☺
I went to Stes house the other day too with Dean while they had practise and then headed to The Hangman in Chester, but that was a disaster :') First of all, the organiser just wasnt around at all, and the sound guy told them they were in this reallllly small room where no1 would even see them, so reluctantly, they set up. No sound check, and the PA was smaller then a laptop haha :') Then, an hour before the doors were open, the organiser arrived n was like "why yous in here, I want yous on the dancefloor" SO, pack everything up, and move to the other side of the venue. By the time everything was set up, it was open and people were standing there watching them with confusion.
Then they did small soundcheck, and the sound was awful. So bad, it hurt our ears. After alot of fiddling, and the soundguy turning random knobs to see what happened, it was sorted (ish), and the band took a small break. About 45mins later they went on, performed 2 songs and then more problems started pouring in :')
First of all, the sound was different from the soundcheck anyways, Deans guitar strap kept falling off, and then Lewis broke a bass string, and then Deans amp kept switching on and off! After alot of fuddling about, they took a 20min break and the organiser got another 5string bass from someone he knew. So they continued to play, hoping Deans amp wouldn't go off during a song. They finished with 5 or so songs, and then people who worked in the place worked over randomly and starting picking up gear and moving it into the hall :') cause thats really safe... haha So yeah, thats it pretty much summed up haha So funny, not so funny for the band though understandably haha.

Right, I'm going to wake Dean up now.

OK Dean did'nt want waking up so I've found time to say this aswell..... Periphery gig tomorrow wooooooooo :)