Looking back

Hello beautiful people,

I've been wanting to post for a long time, but I didn't really know what to say. I feel like every time I come to post, it ends up being a big gap of a few months/years and it's just an 'update on my life'. It doesn't help that the Blogger app has been removed from iOS 👎 I've managed to reinstall it from my purchases and seems to work fine for now. 😊🙌

So, I might as well follow tradition. Since my last update last year, I'm pretty much on the same downward spiral. I ended up stepping down from my Section Leaders job last year and have been back on full time nights since. 

Although I am proud of myself for the things I achieved and how brave I was to take the step, I can only look back with regrets. I allowed myself to be sucked in by the job and I lost myself, I spiralled into a deep depression which is still very much alive right now. I met some amazing people on days and I've got so many memories which I will never forget, but looking back, my days were long and stressful, I missed Dean a lot and I found comfort in food. I hate to say but crying was a regular occurrence and coming home to an empty flat with Pizza and Donuts was the only thing that made me happy. 

I've now removed that stress, but am still unhappy in life. The night job is not what it used to be... In fact, working for Asda is not what it used to be. My routine on nights used to be, happily working early finishing late, being on an aisle I loved (toiletries), motivated to try my best, gym after work, fantastic holidays and treating myself to Acrylic nails twice a month and getting my hair done in a salon.... Now I can barely afford to live in a flat I hate. 

Dean is also still very ill. He's been on this path since November last year, and has unfortunately used up all his sick pay. He's tried every medication going, but still his colitis won't go into remission. The most recent medication he was put on is Adalimumab (Humira) which is a biological medication in the Chemotherapy family, the doctors say it's a TNF blocker which will stop his bowel from being inflamed. It seems to be showing some signs that it's working, his inflammation has been reduced and he doesn't bleed anymore. The only downside is that he's experiencing some major side effects, which I don't think he will be able to live with. His mouth and throat has been covered in ulcers for 11 weeks now, he's covered in weird pimple spots all on his upper thighs and near his genital area and he's continuously losing weight. I think he's going to tell the doctors he's not taking it anymore, but then that only leaves 1 more medication to try before surgery.

In all honestly, the whole situation terrifies me. He is in so much pain on a daily basis, and there's nothing I can do to help. I'm terrified I will wake up and he will be dead next to me in bed. 

I suppose I'm so depressed right now because my life isn't what I expected it to be at this age. I thought I would work my way up in a career, have a house, be planning a wedding and getting ready to have kids.. I feel like a million miles away from that right now. 

It's funny to look back on old posts and see myself complaining about things like my weight. In hindsight, I would do anything to be back at that weight right now. Life is what you make of it, and you don't realise what you've got until it's gone. I swear to god I hope that doesn't happen with this post, I can't imagine feeling more low than I feel right now. 

Diethylpropion.. Here we go again lol

Seems Diethylpropion lowers your immune system and I caught a bad cough/ cold which literally lasted like 6 weeks :/ Only just getting over it now tbh.  I had to stop taking them while i was sick because they dont mix well with other med :( 

Isnt all that bad though... Somehow ive actually lost more weight than i did when i was on them haha. Im now at my lowest weight since i started dieting woohoo 13.0st exactly. Hopefully this time nxt week ill be in the 12s! :) 

Ive also signed up for Race for life in June and am hopefully going to Creamfields in August so ive got something to work towards :D x

Diethylpropion Day 3

Been really good today only drank water all day :) ive been good with food too and been eating every 3 hours. Not really feeling hungry altho i think i will after ive been the gym haha Only side effect ive noticed again is the dry mouth, no headaches thank god :) 

I decided not to go bak to the clinic yesterday because ive not been on them long enough to get clear results, gonna go back on Sat morning which will be day 6. Just hope ive lose a few pounds!! Lol

Diethylpropion

I'm going to start keeping track of my progress while using this drug, mainly for my own benefit but also for anyone else who might be interested in giving it a go :)

So first things first, I bought these from a medical clinic who specialize in helping with weight loss. I wouldn't recommend buying these off the internet as you never know what you're getting! I had to have lots of tests done first to make sure it was safe for me to use them. Diethylpropion is a dangerous drug and I would seriously advise you to consult with your doctor before going on them.

Here is a link to some information and side effects of them

My routine is a little bit mixed up because I work permanent nights. You're meant to take them in the morning (after sleep) with your breakfast, but on average I sleep from 10am until 6pm which means I take mine during the evening at approx 7.30pm. I also eat weird foods at weird times, like for lunch I'll eat a main meal and for my final meal I'll eat breakfast food lol I should really get out of the habit of it though...

This is my schedule:
5.30pm- wake up
6pm - have breakfast & take Diethylpropion
9pm - snack
12.30am - lunch
3am - snack
7am - small meal

Start: 5ft9, 13.8lbs, bmi 28

Day 1:
So on day 1 of starting the tablets, the main thing I noticed almost straight away is the dry mouth, although I didn't feel anything else. At breakfast I had a small bowl of Kimchi Noodles, then I skipped having a snack and at lunch had a Roast Dinner but couldn't finish it as I wasn't hungry. I'm not sure if this was just a placebo effect or maybe because I had noodles a few hours earlier though. On my break at 3am I had Blueberries, and then after work I felt starving and had 2 crisp barms and a few chunks of chocolate. I was meant to be going to the gym but I had a doctors appointment so I skipped a gym day. Overall, I don't really know if the tablets worked or not.

Day 2:
Today is my day off work so its hard to keep a steady schedule for eating. So far I've had 2 chunks of chocolate and bran flakes with raisins for breakfast, and I had to set an alarm to remind me to eat 3 hours later haha :P I'm going to grab a snack now, however I'll be honest I'm feeling pretty hungry and my mouth is drier than a nuns vagina lmao I'm also feeling light headed :/ Note to self- start carrying a bottle of water round lol

Edit: Its 5am and I now have a banging headache, and keep needing a wee haha. Oh n i had salad with tuna before but barely finished it which is good :) 

Its been a while

Feels like everytime I post on here nowadays its me saying how long its been since my last post :/

Not gonna sit here rambling on about how much has changed... well I'll try not to haha Here goes nothing..

~ 2013 has been a really strange year for me to be honest. People have came into my life in ways I never thought possible, and really turned my world upside down. I know one day I will probably lose them, which tbh makes me very sad, so I'm trying to make the most out of it while I can. I've also made some really good friends too, and reconnected with old friends I lost a long time ago :) Oh and Leah & I are closer than ever. Love my bff so much ♥

~ Deans still the nights section leader :) Its been a rough ride for him this past year, problems with other colleagues etc but hes doing well and hopefully he will be promoted to manager in a few years :)

~ I'm now working my way towards eventually becoming a section leader :) I completed the Step on programme and became our colleague voice representative for nights, but its quite hard to attend the meetings because they're during the day and as you all know I am a creature of the night hehe :) My managers and other section leaders have been so helpful with me and have given me new responsibilities which is great, and I've been giving myself little secret tasks too hehe. Basically, each week I try to make sure I learn something new :)

~ Unfortunately, my gym regime and dieting has pretty much been none existent during 2013. I lost about a stone before Cuba and since then its been slowly creeping off by itself with just healthy eating. All in all up until about last October I had lost about 2 stone, but then this Christmas it went downhill and I ended up putting 10lbs on :(

I've just recently 2 days ago started on Hunger Suppressant tablets called 'Diethylpropion', which will hopefully encourage me to eat smaller portions and get me back on track in the gym :) I'll write another blog post with updates on this though as I want to keep a little log of how I get on with them.

~ My Mum and Jack are now engaged which is brilliant :) I'm so happy that she has finally found someone who makes her truly happy ♥ They even working towards moving into their own home together hehe

 ~ In September, we had a little moment of madness and went on holiday last minute which was amazing :) Leah & Shaun booked it last minute on the Thursday, and then Dean and I managed to book it on the Saturday.. and we left something stupid like on the Tuesday lmao. Had an awesome time, the highlight was probably going to a huge water park :) I never been to anything like it before hehe. All inclusive drinks chillin on the rooftop with a Shisha was so cool too. Loved it so much, and it was my first holiday with Leah aswell :)

~ I'm sad to say however, unfortunately Leah and Shaun have since split up and I don't think they will be getting back together either :( I'm really upset about it to be honest because we all had so many good times together and I'm really going to miss the house parties, sleep overs, holidays, meals and nights out. I know they weren't happy together though so I guess its for the best.

For me 2013 was all about loving life and finding myself, I guess thats why I didn't post much. My taste in music is a lot more diverse these days, and although I still love metal, I have also opened up to lots of other genres, especially House. I can flick from listening to Nine Inch Nails, to Sylosis, to Avicii in a line haha Its quite weird really.

I have also changed my style of clothes a bit. I'll be honest, I think it started when I began to lose weight. I looked at myself in the mirror and found a confidence I'd never had before, n then I'd see pics of me with my flab hanging out cellulite everywhere n I felt like telling my past self to cover up lol. Tbh wearing tiny checkered mini skirts, fishnet tights and vest tops just doesn't really sound too appealing anymore. If I was going on a night out to the Krazyhouse or to a festival yes, but those days are so far and few between. I love wearing skinny jeans and band tees or leggings with jumpers at the mo :) Another aspect of the change really came from working because I'm not allowed my lip bar in and they're very strict about hair colour.

I would love to have pink hair back again. Having Blonde hair is so hard to maintain! I started off by doing it myself, but my hair was in awful condition, breaking all the time and my roots were always quite yellowy. It was ok when I had pink because the colour would hide the difference in the tone, so in the end I bit the bullet and went to the hairdressers haha. I now go to voodou and get highlights every few weeks. Its veeeery expensive but its what I need to do to get nice healthy hair again :)

OK I rambled I'm sorry lol. Heres a few recent piccys :)

Me & Dean at Chester Zoo

 Me with Sarah :)

 Me with Leah & Sarah hehe I'm sorry but Leahs face on this loooool Thats y I love her so much hehe

Meeee

Meeee again :)

Gym & my diet

Been working sooo hard in the gym lately, and I finally hit my new lowest weight today :) (I say lowest, but I mean lowest since I first started this whole gym diet routine haha). I am now 13st 9.6lbs, and yes I know that is heavy but I'm 5ft 9 and considering I weighed alot more than this 2 weeks ago I'm happy. I'm on a journey and this just shows that what I'm doing is working.

We've been walking home alot more lately after work and the gym, which is about 3 and a half miles so it all adds up. I get paid tonight so I'll be ditching the bready meals and switching back to salads in work which should also give the extra boost :)

Today I bought a dress and a little skirt in the George sale for when we go to Cuba. The skirt is a size 14, and on the way home I even said to Dean it'd be a miracle if i fit into it before the holiday, but it was cheap so I can atleast try... welll, I've just tried it on and it fits :D:D:D Ok, i wont lie its a tiny bit too small, but i'd definitely get away with it with a bikini on so im happy happy right now. And the size large dress? TOO BIG lmao. This is coming from the girl who could only wear size xl, and size 20 pants last year. I've always been small on top, I'm weirly proportioned (like 14 on top, 20 on bottom - or now it'd be 12 on top, 16 on bottom) but its slowly coming off my hips and ass so this time next year hopefully I'll be saying this again but on a whole other level :)

My complete aim is to be about 11 or 12 stone, depending on how I look. I'm not really trying to go to a specific weight as such because I'm building muscle at the same time as shedding fat so I won't really notice it on the scales.

When I met Dean I was only 14, but i was the same height i am now and I weighed 9st 5lbs. I will never get to that weight again because I was only a kid then, but if i can look as skinny as i did then i'll be a happy girl

Hair, Weight and Gym

Well, my hairs disaster and is still brown lol I haven't had a chance to dye in Blonde yet, all i've had time to do is remove the black dye build up. After all that kafuffle over losing our hours in work, they are now giving us loads of overtime because people are off. Not sure how long it will last, but for now we are safe and once again working our butts off.

I'm still working hard in the gym too, been going twice a week for the past 2 months now (except for when i was sick) and it feels really good :) I've not seen many changes in my weight really although I've lost 5 pounds, but I've noticed alot of change cardio wise.

On my Induction, I did 10 mins on the bike and I was knackered, then I only did testers on all of the equipment and it was killing me. I tried the cross trainer on level 1 and after 3 minutes I was so out of breath and I could barely walk or anything. Straight away I turned round to Dean and said theres no way in hell I'll be using the cross trainer I'll justs stick to the other stuff haha

But, ofcourse I did :) This morning I stayed on the Cross Trainer for 10 minutes, building up the levels to the point where I was on level 6 :) I also do 10 minutes every visit on the rower and I've been building up the levels, now I use Level 6 and on my first visit I used to be Level 4 for 3 minutes :)

I'm definitely improving, I also think I'll be getting a membership when I've finished my Sefton Lifestyles course too. I just hope I can start losing some serious weight soon.

I don't really eat much either which is strange, I work hard and eat little and sleep alot lol. Usually my routine is, I get up at 8pm and get ready for my night shift, get into work at 10pm and then go for my lunch at 12.30am. Most of the time I'll eat a salad, but sometimes (usually on my first night back) I'll have chips and a slice of pizza but not a massive portion only small. I've stopped buying chocolate and crisps cause that was a really bad habit haha. Then I have another break at 3am and I eat another banana or a frube or Sunbites, and then when I get home from work I'll have toast. I have a really physical job aswell, lifting and running around all night, and when I get in I stay up until about 10am then go to sleep. Aaaaand repeat haha. Soo, not really sure what I'm doing wrong :/

I'm going to put my treadmill in the living room and bring my exercise bike here, so that on my days I'm not in the gym I'll do 15/30mins a day at least.

At the moment my weight is 13st 12lbs and I'm 5ft 10. My BMI is 27.84 according to the NHS :) Lets hope I can change this soon wooooo

Download Festival

Well, Apart from all the mud.. Download Festival was great! :) haha Tbh the mud and rain ruined it for me, but when it was sunny it was great so thats ok. All i'm gonna say is ROLL ON SONISPHERE! haha :)

So yeah the bands we saw: Unearth, 36 Crazyfists, Killswitch Engage, Them Crooked Vultures, ACDC, Sybreed, Some of Flyleaf, Atreyu, Five Finger Death Punch, Lamb of God, Megadeth, Deftones, Rage Against The Machine, Slash, Billy Idol, Steel Panther, Airbourne, Some Stone Temple Pilots, Aerosmith

............All were EXCELLENT :D

Anyways, updates in the world of Rei.

I was meant to go to see Deathstars and Sybreed on Tuesday and I didn't and now I'm REALLY regretting it! Grrr :( Hopefully they'll be back soon

Oh and Stevies party.. boss!! :) Gotta love Stevies partys, can't beat em haha

Ermmm what else... ohhhh. Well, this is random but I've been off the contraceptive pill for just over a month now and actually, its the best decision I've ever made :) I feel like a new person! I'm not as moody, I feel better about myself, me and dean are much happier and are alot closer and I've actually found my mojo! haha :P Good times.

Now I've just gotta lose some weight. Gonna go back on the Orlistat for some extra help. My target is 4 stone in 4 months :)